Marital and relationship issues can be solved not by trying to change your partner but by learning about yourself, learning communiction skills, and by looking at marriage and relationship in a different light/perspective. You will soon realize that your spouse or partner has joined you in this journey and your relationship changed from a tug of war and arguments, to a collaborative relationship.
I have been very succesful in my couples counseling by teaching couples through my personal experience and by intense training as a Family and Marriage Therapist.
In recent decades we have noticed an upsurge of divorce, unhappy marriages and individuals who will not commit to a meaningful relationship. The 1960's and 1970's psychology trends moved more towards the individualistic view, while the psychology of marriage stayed behind in the 1950's. Marriage was viewed in the 1950's and early1960's for the partner to dive into the marriage as a whole without credence to individual needs. But the psychology trends which evolved in the 1960's and early 1970's placed more importance to individualistic approach.
For relationships and marriages to work today we need to change the view of marriage psychology and make them harmonious to the individualistic psychology. A happy relationship requires respect of the individual while contributing to the health of the marriage. This new outlook will create happy and satisfied partners individually and as a couple.
Interestingly, research has proven that only 30% of issues in a marriage are resolvable with the remaining not resolvable. These issues stem from individual differences of the partners. I call these issues "non-negotiables". The non-negotiables are personality and character traits of each of the partners. Try to change these charactristics in your partner, and that will make your partner unhappy and resentful.
I help the couples understand and respect these individual differences rather than trying to change the other person. This new skill will create a supportive and not a devisive relationship.
By learning the coping and communication skills along with respecting their partner's individuality, partners will gain a new working perspective of their union.